today is the 4th day that i open this page, and stare at this white blank withought having a courege to write anything, i instantly blured my vision with my tears.
idon't know what kept me away from writing.
am i too shy to write?
or am i scared of reveling my secrets?
ithink what is in my chest is TOO MUCH
i apolgize before i start for my broken languge , though i insest in writing on english coz , till when will i be shy ? if i will not try, iwill not learn,
beside .. no one know me here , and i don't think i have much readers.
yallah .. let's start :
irecived a call from one of my friends telling me that our other friend's mother had a Myocardial infarction ( jal6ah fy al8lb). iwas Shoked ! her mom is very sweet and she's healthy and YOUNG ! icalled her 3la 6ool oo just by saying: salam , my friend broke on tears : ican't belive whats happening, noony she is sick ! she can't breath , she cant talk and there is milions of machine on her chest assisting her ventilation. OMG we always take things for granted. noony plz PLEASE don't be sad and comlain about any stupid studying issues, we have to start appreciating our blessing in our lifes, and if we willl ever nenhar ... 5leeh 3ala shy yswa.
i tried to assure her ... but the real thing, that i was who really needed an issurment. ididn't know why exactly icried ? is it because iwas overwhelmed by her mom situatoion and bringing my studying subject up in the middle of her crises? or is it because iwas feeling guilty of my sadness? is it possable to feel guilty on uncontrolable feeling.
any way.. i decide calling my ( blessing in my life )... my Mom.
she was in her ( r7lt alshta2 oo al9yef ) 7agt-ha ,.. and .. awl ma sm3t 9oot-ha .. i broke on tears........ i cried.. like there is no tomorrow.....
icried for my friend's mom
icried for my failure in my subject
icried for fighting with the girls
icried for feeling so lonley
icried for runening my mom's vication by this call !
and most of all ............ icried for missing her.
ok .. enough for today... ithink imade a good step on starting...
iwill write every single night, and if any one pass by ... feel free to comment on my post .. or to fix my languge.
al7mdelleh im relived... at least 10 % .. i will bring it all .. till it will be 100 % .. but for now, panadol night starts rocking my mind..
so good night.
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